The 1-2-3 of Overcoming Resentment and Bitterness
An abstract of Jeremy McGrath’s sermon on May 18, 2025, in the Getting Over It series. Watch the sermon video here.
Have you ever been told to "just get over it" when you're holding onto hurt? While this advice might seem dismissive, there's actually deep wisdom in learning how to release resentment and bitterness. Let’s explore why letting go of bitterness isn't just good advice–it's biblical wisdom that leads to freedom.
What Are Resentment and Bitterness?
Bitterness and resentment are feelings of anger that lead to ill will toward someone who we believe has wronged us. But unlike a momentary flash of anger, resentment lingers and grows. It's not just an internal feeling—it often shows up in how we treat others:
Ignoring text messages
Excluding someone from gatherings
Talking negatively about them to others
Hoping something bad happens to them
Resentment can develop toward others, ourselves, or even God. Today, we're focusing on how it affects our relationships with the people around us.
Two Types of Wounds That Lead to Bitterness
Flesh Wounds
"Flesh wounds" happen when our desires are unmet or our pride is hurt. These aren't necessarily from someone sinning against us. Examples include:
When someone points out a sin in our life
When a friend gets something we wanted
When we don't receive the recognition we expected
When our desires for love or attention aren't returned
These wounds often feel justified, but they stem from our own internal struggles rather than someone truly wronging us.
Grievous Wounds
"Grievous wounds" occur when someone truly sins against us, especially repeatedly:
Someone who lies to or bullies you
A spouse who breaks trust
Someone who abuses or steals from you
A parent who neglects their responsibilities
These deep hurts can create lasting pain that's much harder to overcome.
Why It's Hard to Recognize Our Bitterness
We often struggle to identify bitterness in ourselves because:
Situations are messy - Real-life hurts often involve both legitimate wrongs and our own unhealthy responses
Bitterness skews our perception - Over time, we begin to misremember situations and see only the negative
Bitterness raises our expectations - We hold others to standards we wouldn't even expect of ourselves
We assume the worst - Without asking questions, we create narratives about others' intentions
The Biblical Solution to Bitterness
For Flesh Wounds: Put Desires in Their Place
When our bitterness stems from unmet desires, the solution is to examine what we're holding onto. Colossians 3:5 tells us to "put to death earthly desires, which is idolatry."
Idolatry happens when our desires become requirements—when we believe we cannot be happy without them. Even good desires (like success or recognition) can become harmful when we elevate them too highly.
For Grievous Wounds: Find the Power to Forgive
Ephesians 4:32 gives us clear direction: "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
But what if forgiveness feels impossible? The story of Corrie Ten Boom offers hope. After surviving a Nazi concentration camp, she encountered one of her former guards who asked for forgiveness. Initially unable to extend it, she prayed, "Jesus, help me... You supply the feeling." As she obediently offered her hand, God's love flooded through her, enabling her to forgive genuinely.
Sometimes we simply can't forgive on our own—but God can work through us to do what seems impossible.
Three Reasons to Let Go of Bitterness
1. It's Better for Your Well-Being
Research shows that bitterness leads to chronic stress, anxiety, and even physical health problems like cardiovascular issues and weakened immunity. As Proverbs 14:30 puts it, "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones."
2. It Preserves Relationships and Community
In our disconnected world, where cutting people off has become commonplace, Christians are called to a different path. Jesus's final prayer before his crucifixion was for unity among his followers (John 17). When we choose forgiveness over bitterness, we protect the connections God values.
3. It Reflects the Heart of the Gospel
The core of Christianity isn't self-improvement—it's reconciliation. God has been pursuing humanity despite our rejection, offering forgiveness and restored relationship through Jesus Christ. When we forgive others, we mirror God's heart and make the gospel message credible to those around us.
Practical Steps to Overcome Bitterness
Ask a trusted friend for honest feedback about where bitterness might be distorting your perspective
Take your thoughts captive by replacing bitter rumination with what is true, noble, and good
Practice thankfulness to remind yourself of all you have in Christ
Adjust your expectations of others and communicate them clearly
Moving Forward in Freedom
Bitterness hurts you, prevents unity in God's family, and fails to reflect the gospel we've received. Today is your opportunity to begin the journey of letting go—not because it's easy, but because it leads to freedom.
As you surrender vengeance to God and extend the same forgiveness you've received, you'll discover healing from the poison of resentment and a new capacity for authentic relationships.
Ready to learn more about finding freedom from bitterness and other life challenges? Join us this Sunday at 9:00 or 10:30 a.m. to continue the conversation. We'd love to welcome you to our community of people who are figuring out faith together.