When Marriage Points People to Jesus
An abstract of TBC Lead Pastor Connor Kraus’ sermon on November 30, 2025, in the Book of Ephesians series. Watch the sermon video here.
Have you ever seen pictures of a glacier in the Himalayas—crystal clear ice producing a pure, freezing stream that flows for miles? Now imagine that same water 1,500 miles later as it enters the Bay of Bengal, having become part of the Ganges River—one of the dirtiest rivers in the world. What started beautiful ended up polluted.
This dramatic image describes what's happened to marriage in our culture. God designed marriage to be this beautiful, clear reflection of something sacred. But over time, it's been clouded with cultural baggage, distortions of power, past hurts, and so much noise that it's hard to see what God originally intended.
So what does it mean to love Jesus and be married? And how can your marriage—whether it's thriving or struggling—become a living picture that points people to your Savior?
The Big Picture You Need to See
Before we dive into the specific instructions for husbands and wives, you need to understand the key to this entire passage: the marriage relationship, when done well, is supposed to reflect the relationship between Jesus and the church.
That's profound. Paul spent five chapters in Ephesians talking about what it means for Jesus to be the head of the church, how He died and sacrificed for her, and how He leads her now. In this marriage passage, husbands and wives each represent a specific part of that divine relationship.
It's not really about marriage at all. It's about showing the world what Jesus's love looks like.
What Wives Reflect: The Church's Response to Christ
Paul starts with wives in Ephesians 5:22-24, instructing them to "submit to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church."
Let's address the elephant in the room: submission. This word has been twisted, abused, and used to justify all kinds of harmful behavior. Maybe you've seen magazine articles from the 1950s telling wives to have dinner ready on time and never question their husbands. Maybe a male figure in your life used this passage to exert unhealthy control.
But here's what submission actually means in this context: wives reflect Christ by willingly embracing their husband's leadership while remaining equal in dignity and worth.
Think about Jesus. In the Garden of Gethsemane, He prayed to the Father, "Not my will, but yours be done." Jesus willingly submitted to the Father's authority. Does that make Him less than the Father? Absolutely not. The early church fought against that idea as heresy. Jesus is equal to the Father in every way—yet He chose to submit. And Paul says that choice was worthy of worship.
In the same way, a wife's choice to respect and support her husband's leadership doesn't make her less than him. She's equal in dignity and worth. But she has the opportunity to reflect how the church follows Christ.
Three important clarifications:
This is "as to the Lord" - Your obedience isn't to your husband; it's to Christ, who established this design.
This is specific to marriage - A wife submits to her husband, but she's under no instruction to submit to other men. Women can and should lead in other contexts.
This reflects a heavenly reality - When done well, this makes the Gospel visible to others.
What Husbands Reflect: Christ's Love for the Church
Now husbands get three times as much instruction—and a much higher calling.
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her" (Ephesians 5:25).
If you've heard the term "servant leadership," you can thank a man named Robert Greenleaf who popularized it in 1974. But he was just pointing back to Jesus—the greatest leader in history who knelt with a towel and basin to wash His disciples' feet.
A husband leads like Christ by sacrificing himself for his wife's good, not by demanding authority.
This goes against everything our culture says about being "alpha" or masculine. The greatest husbands aren't those who dominate—they're those who lay themselves down for their families. Just like Jesus did.
Paul says a husband's conduct should reflect Jesus's actions in the home, so that wives (and children) grow closer to the Lord through his humble guidance. That's the standard. How well a husband does his job tells others about the Savior. How well he loves his bride tells others about how Jesus loves the church.
One early church leader said it this way: "If it be needful that you should give your life for her, or be cut into a thousand pieces, or endure anything whatever, refuse it not."
Paul gives three motivations for husbands:
Treat your wife as your own body - You care for yourself; care for her the same way.
As Christ cares for the church - Your marriage should show the world the Gospel message.
As you are one flesh - You're a single unit now, spiritually and physically. Why would you harm yourself?
As Paul wraps up, he says, "This mystery is profound"—and that's an understatement. Then he summarizes: "Each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband."
Three Ways to Walk This Out
This isn't built on psychology blogs or relationship advice from social media. It's built on reflecting Jesus. Here's how to actually live this out:
1. Focus on Jesus
You won't have a marriage that looks like Jesus if you're not both looking at Jesus together. Take some part of your personal faith and make it a combined faith:
Go to church together and talk about the message on the way home
Pray together in the mornings or before bed
Start a Bible study together and compare your thoughts
Read a Christian book on marriage and discuss it
Listen to worship music together in the car
Important note: If your spouse isn't a believer or isn't here with you right now, you can still grow individually and reflect Christ in your marriage through your own actions.
2. Be Faithful Anyway
Paul gave no conditional statements. It wasn't "wives, respect your husbands if he is respectable" or "husbands, love your wives if she is lovely." Both are called to be image bearers of this heavenly reality, even when it's difficult.
Stop keeping score. Don't wait for your spouse to change first. As one author said, "Marriage is meant to make you holy, not happy"—and when you have a holy marriage, happiness tends to follow.
Practical steps:
Tear up the invisible ledger of who did what last
Try to outdo each other in affection
Assume godly intentions rather than jumping to judgment
Pray for your spouse's heart, not just their behavior
Speak about them positively to others
3. Practice the Practical
Small acts of obedience, consistently done, shape a marriage that looks like Jesus.
For wives, ask yourself: How can I support my husband's leadership?
Invite him to lead spiritually in the home
Affirm him in his God-given responsibility
Don't undermine him in front of others
Be his trusted confidant and biggest cheerleader
Write him a letter of encouragement
For husbands, ask yourself: How would Jesus treat my wife?
Take initiative in spiritual life
Never embarrass or belittle your wife
Engage emotionally in conversations
Support her dreams and giftedness
Do something that costs you time, comfort, or preference
Seek her wise counsel when decisions need to be made
What's the Goal?
The goal isn't to look like a 1950s magazine spread. The goal is to show Jesus to the world.
God has given specific instructions for how that's supposed to happen. In marriages where both are doing their part, you can walk in and say, "This is what it should look like. This is where I see Jesus. This home is filled with love and respect."
This isn't easy. But when you take even small baby steps toward this image, you'll find more satisfaction in your marriage personally. And you'll find joy in knowing that you're not just being obedient to God—you're bringing glory to Him and making much of the name by which you were saved.
Bitter wives and cruel husbands don't point people to Jesus. Let's be far from that. Let's lead with love and respect in a way that tells people about our Savior.
Maybe you're reading this and thinking about your own marriage—or wondering if marriage is even for you. Maybe you're exploring what it means to follow Jesus in the first place. We'd love to talk with you about how God's design for relationships can transform your life from the inside out.
Join us this Sunday at 9:00 or 10:30 a.m. and discover what it looks like when marriages point people to Jesus.